Raf Sanchez

Originally published on Counterknowledge.com

There is a ghost in the machine. Specifically, in Derby City General Hospital’s X-ray machine, or thereabouts.

Staff at the new £334m hospital received an email last week informing them that following multiple sightings of a “cloaked figure dressed in black” senior management had decided to enlist Derby Cathedral’s help in exorcising the phantom.

Hospital boss Debbie Butler wrote:

I’m not sure how many of you are aware that some members of staff have reported seeing a ghost. I’m taking it seriously as it is affecting some members of staff and the last thing I want is staff feeling uneasy at work. I don’t want to scare anyone any more than necessary, but felt it was best I made you all aware of the situation and what we are doing about it. I’ve spoken to the trust’s chaplain and she is going to arrange for someone from the cathedral to exorcise the department.

While some staff might be reassured by the presence of cathedral-based ghost-busters, I can’t imagine it provides much comfort to patients: “The doctor will see you shortly, just as soon as someone deals with the spirit of Death that seems to be stalking the halls. Thank you for your patience.”

But perhaps the move isn’t so ridiculous after all, given Derby’s long association with the supernatural. In 2008, the city was named the UK’s most haunted by the Supernatural Britain Report. The research was carried out by Lionel Fanthorpe, who as well as being a fully-ordained Anglican priest is also President of the Association for the Scientific Study of Anomalous Phenomena (his wife is First Lady) and can be hired as a consultant for a mere £1000 a day.

Despite Lionel’s extensive claims to approach supernatural phenomena from a scientific perspective, the fine print of the Supernatural Britain Report reveals that it was not only commissioned by Warner Bros., in order to promote the release of a new DVD, but that he “conducted the survey through desk-based research into supernatural occurrences in the UK’s largest 40 cities. He researched multiple websites, archives and other records of paranormal sightings, as well as utilising his own extensive archive material.”

It’s difficult to know what to think with so much high-quality research available to us. Carrie Quinlan offers these sage words: “I say live and let live. Or live and let be dead. Or don’t ever be ill in Derby, which was my motto anyway.”